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Of course, the market for free sperm raises its own set of questions. What I found was a universe that’s often more lascivious than a Nicholson Baker novel, but somehow less bizarre and more relatable.Far from being overrun by sex-crazed “sperminators” and “desperate girls,” the way British tabloids have portrayed the business, most of what I found was mundanely human.But unlike their mainstream counterparts, these men don’t get paid.They’re also willing to reveal their identities and allow any future offspring to contact them.Some say they got pregnant when they were much younger and gave up the baby or aborted it, and now want another chance. Hope, a single 43-year-old zoologist, echoes most FSDR searchers when she says, “I really want to have a child, and I want to give that child the best shot at having a good life, which is why I chose this route.”As with traditional sperm banks, most of FSDR’s users are lesbian couples or would-be single mothers.But the site does have an active cohort of straight pairs and married women, like a 37-year-old homemaker near Columbus, Ohio, who gave her name as Wendy. Many donors say they are motivated not by sex so much as a desire to spawn as many children as possible.And all couples face insurance caps that can mean thousands of dollars in out-of-pocket pay.Many women also believe their donor-conceived children have a right to know their fathers, something most sperm banks have resisted, fearing such openness would scare off potential donors.
At Starbucks, the donor ejaculated in the bathroom in private, exited, and handed the sperm-filled latex cup to Nicole, who in turn entered the bathroom and attached the cup to her cervix. The couple is trying again with a new donor—and Beth has become a fervent believer in the strategy.
“We got some weirdos,” says Beth, a 35-year-old tech professional near San Diego.
But most of the donors were “very nice and obviously well educated.” After careful vetting—consisting of a homemade questionnaire, interviews, reference checks, and STD tests—the couple settled on a 30-something professional and arranged the donation.
They began with sperm banks, which have donors of almost every background, searchable by religion, ancestry, even the celebrity they most resemble.
But the couple balked at the prices—at least ,000 for the sperm alone—and the fact that most donors were anonymous; they wanted their child to have the option to one day know his or her father.Even banks that do reveal dads’ identities will do so only when a child turns 18.